Oppression & Persecution.

Without respect love is lost. Without caring love is boring. Without honesty, love is unhappy. Without trust, love is unstable.—Anonymous

In Carmel before I catch the red-eye home.
In Carmel before I catch the red-eye home.

OPPRESSION. Why do we allow it? I suppose some do not have a choice.  They live in an oppressive culture where the laws do not give them a choice.  But, we live here and have laws in our favor and some stay in relationships so harmful to their souls that I see them shrink into nothing.

Who am I kidding? I’m writing about myself.

I’ve allowed myself many times in my life to be oppressed by others.  I’ve been told that I wasn’t clever or sly enough to own my own production company and I believed them.  I’ve been told that I do not have a mind for business because I didn’t study business in college, i.e. I don’t have an MBA. Never mind that I was making six figures by the time I was 34 years old.

I’ve been told that I could not be an author because I am dyslexic and do not spell or use grammar well. Never mind that I’ve written this, many other essays, a 84,000-word memoir and I’m 15,000 words into my next novel, all while hearing that I’m lazy, aging into someone unattractive, and still have no sense for business.

PERSECUTION. I wanted to think that I blocked out those words but the thoughts swam around in my brain matter.  I wanted to imagine the thoughts were coming from someone else’s dissatisfaction with them-selves, until it became abusive and I could not ignore it any longer.  I felt I had to verbally defend myself.  But, I stayed and tried to fix the problem.  I went to therapy.  We went to therapy.  I tried to find out the reason I was causing this anger.  I was under the impression that something I was doing was instilling this aggression. I wanted to know what I could do within myself to change and make this stop.

ABSOLUTION. Thankfully therapists don’t tell you what to do or how to be.  I’ve found that they allow you to hypothesize until you figure out the reasons on your own.  I figured that by merely being the strong willed person that I’ve become, I could in fact unwittingly be oppressing others.  Everything I attempt to do with passion pretty much happens.  I tackle the things I am passionate about audaciously and I give it my all.  That can be a hard thing to co-exist with when one is struggling and not being as successful.  I realized I couldn’t be responsible for how others react to my actions especially when what I am doing has nothing to do with them.  Then I came to another important conclusion—I do not have power over others.  What they feel or do comes from them, not me.  If I were attempting to harm or manipulate someone with my actions, it would be a different story.  But I am traveling on my own path at my own speed.  I’m not trying to exclude anyone, but I have a definite direction.

I’ve become acutely aware that I needn’t change.  I need to continue to grow, learn and better myself.  I’m now feeling good on my path and I resolve not to let anyone get in the way of my passion.

Write on,
Maggy Brown

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